On the Lam/Transcript
P.S. 118 Playground Mr. Simmons : And the active ingrident is vinegar which when we mixed with the others causes the expansion of gas. All : (Cheers) Harold : That is so cool! Mr. Simmons : Yes, Harold. Science, in fact, is very cool. Harold : Hey, hey! Can I shoot off the rocket this time? Mr. Simmons : Well, I'd better supervise the protioning of the ingreidents you put in the tube. You don't want to add too much vinegar. It could cause too big an explosion. (school bell rings) Oh, darn that bell. Uh, class, we'll continue our experiment tomorrow. Harold : Aw, no! I want to do it now! (Looks at Mr. Simmons holding the rockets and gets an idea) Classroom :(Harold, Stinky and Sid sneak into the classroom and open the science closet) Stinky : Whillikers... Look at all them rockets. Harold : This is too good to be true. We'll take them all, strap them together with all whole bunch of baking soda and a whole ton of vinegar and blast them off! Sid : But, what if we get caught? Harold : I'm the boss and I' say we're doing it! Area Behind the Old Police Station Stinky : Hey, maybe we should do this someplace else. We're right in back of an old police station. Harold : Ah, they won't even see us. Okay, I got the rockets. Sid : I got the baking soda... and a half gallon of vinegar. Stinky : And I got the Louisana hot sauce. Harold : Hot sauce? That's stupid! Let's do it! Sid : Oh, this is going to be great. When we all mix it all together, it will blow up so good. All : (Laughs) Harold : Oh, we're going to blow, baby. Mix it all in there, mix it... (Laughs) More, more, more. Ernie : All the charges planted? Guy : Yep. Ernie : Good. All right now, everybody, stand back! Harold : Okay, time to add the vinegar. Sid : Oh, cool! Harold : Hurry, hurry! Stick the rockets on the tube! Stinky : She's going to blow! All : (Laughs) Sid : Aah! Run like snot! All :(Gasps) Sid : We just blew up a police station. Harold : We, we... Stinky : I reckon we should go to the authorities. Harold : We can't go to the authorities, WE JUST BLEW UP THE AUTHORITIES!!!! Sid : So what do we do? All : (Screams) Street Sid : They'll be looking for us. We need someplace to hide. Stinky : Hey, fellers, there's Arnold's house! Sunset Arms Boarding House Cellar Sid : Ow! Stinky : Ow! Harold : Oh! Stinky : I done went and sat on my hot sauce and now I got hot pants! Harold : Okay, okay, this will work. We have food down here... and a toilet. Arnold : I'm just going downstairs to switch loads, Grandpa. Sid : Shh. Quiet I hear something. Phil : And don't put my wool underwear in the dryer. Stinky : Hey, Arn... Harold : Shh... we tell no one, not even Arnold. Sid : (Hiccups) Arnold : Somebody there? Stinky : Nobody but us here boxes. Harold : Shut up, Stinky! Stinky : Aah! Arnold : Stinky? Sid : Oh, great, way to blow it, Stinky! Arnold : What are you guys doing in my basement? Harold : Nothing! We didn't do anything wrong! Stinky : And we sure we didn't blow up the police station with the rockets from Mr. Simmons' class! Both : STINKY! Stinky : Whoops. Arnold : Okay. Wait a minute. You blew up the police station with the rockets from Mr. Simmons' class? Sid : Yes! (sobbing) We saw the whole thing! The rocket flew over the wall and then the station just fell down in a huge cloud of smoke! Harold : And now we're wanted criminals! Sid : What are we gonna do? Arnold : Well, we could go to the police and find out what really happened. Harold : Aren't you listening, Arnold? We blew up the police! Stinky : I reckon we got to skip town. Sid : Yeah, take it on the lam. Harold : We'll change our idenities! Sid : I know. We can go into one of those witness protection programs. Like they have on TV. They give you a new face, a new name, the works. Harold : They don't do that for criminals, stupid! They do it for the guys who rat out the criminals! Sid : Right. Stinky : I know. We can go down south and live with my grandma. She's got a real big trailer, double wide. Harold : That's good, let's do it. Run out to the train yard and hop a boxcar. If we can't find your grandma, we'll become hobos! Sid : Yes, hobos. Harold : And we can use these for disguises! Arnold : This is crazy. Listen to yourselves. You're 9 years old. And your gonna disguise yourselves, run away and become hobos?! Harold : That's right, Arnold! And you're not gonna stop us! (scene goes black and another scene is shown Arnold tied up and mouth taped while Sid, Stinky and Harold are in incognito) Sorry Arnold. We just can't take the chance that you'll turn us in. Now let's catch a bus to the train yard. Ooooh, I can't wait to be a hobo! Harold's House Harold's Dad : Okay. Call if you hear anything. Sid and Stinky's parents haven't seem them either. Harold's Mom : Oh, Jerry, something terrible has happened, I know it! Harold, my baby, my baby! Jerry : Now, just calm down, Marilyn. I called the police. They'll make some flyers. We'll put them all over the neighborhood. Marilyn : The fruit of my womb! I wiped the snot from his nose I changed his diapers! Oh...! Jerry : Too tight, Marilyn, too tight! Street Harold : So if the train yard's over here. We have to catch the 47 bus. Stinky : Psst! Harold... Harold : Shh, I'm trying to think. Sid : Harold, the cops! Harold : Oh no, let's get out of here! Remember, act nartual. All : (Grunts) Officer : Hey, you three! Wait! Sid : Move, move, move! Officer : Hey, stop! Sid : They're on to us! Now we're going go to prison... And we'll never worked on the chain gang. Officer : Stop! Stop! You've dropped your peace medallion. Harold : Oh... we're safe for now. Sunset Arms Boarding House Cellar Phil : Hey, Shortman, have you seen my bicycle pump anywhere? (Arnold grunts) Oh, I get it-- playing Secret Agent, eh? Well, don't mind me. (Arnold grunts again) No matter that they do, Arnold. Don't give them the secret password. (Laughs) Oh, youth, always stretching their imaginations. Street Harold's Dad : Okay, each of you take a stack, staple them up everywhere. Harold : Oh man, I never seen so many cops in my life! Sid : Guys, look! Harold : It's one of those FBI Most Wanted posterd! Stinky : Aw, now the feds are after us. We're as dead as three turkeys at Thanksgiving dinner. Harold : We got to get to the train yard! Sid : It's that way! Run! Sunset Arms Boarding House Cellar *'Ernie' : Oh, uh, hey, there, Arnold. Don't worry... your grandpa told me you were playing Secret Agent. Just grabbing some Yahoos. I'm won't bother you. (Laughs) Darn kids. So carefree. To be that young again. Street Stinky : There's the train yard. Sid : Oh, cheese it, it's the cops. Dispatcher : One Adam-12 be on the lookout for three young boys, over. Officer : Have you fellas seen three young boys walking around by themselves? Harold : (Pretending to be a hobo, he gets asked if he's seen Harold, Stinky, and Sid) Young bots? Uh-uh. Well, we're not boys. Sid :We're three old men! With weird hair and... beards. Stinky : And we don't know nothing about some police station! Harold : (Laughs) He's so old, he's talking crazy! Yeah... Stinky : Ow! Sunset Arms Boarding House Living Room Grandpa Phil : Hey, Shortman, done playing "secret agent"? Arnold : (frees himself, and untapes his mouth and removes the dirty sock from his mouth) I wasn't playing "secret agent". I was bound and gagged for 2 hours. Grandpa Phil : Oh, that's different. How'd that happen? Arnold : Harold, Stinky and Sid tied me up because they thought I was gonna turn them for blowing up the police station. Ernie : Blowing up the police station? What are you talking about? They didn't blow it up, I'' did! It's been slated for demolition for ''months! Arnold : Well, they think they did it. And they're so scared, they're going to the train yard to hop a box car and become hobos! We gotta stop 'em! Grandpa Phil : Oh, my gosh, you're absolutely right! We'll go save 'em! Just as soon as the Battlin' Bishop defeats the Lady Beastmaster! Arnold : Grandpa... Grandpa Phil : Oh! I'll just look at the highlights on the news then. Train Yard Harold : We made it! Let's ditch these costumes. Sid : Yeah, they smell like Arnold's basement. Harold : All right, let's find a good boxcar because we're going to be living here for a while so it has to be comfortable. Sid : How about this one? Hobo : Hey, this is our car! Hobo 2 : We've been here since '47! So clear out! Sid : Oh! Sorry. Harold : Wow, real live hobos. Stinky : One day we'll be just like them. Sid : At least we got that going for us. Announcer : And tonight, in local news police as asking citizens to keep an eye out for three missing boys. Guy : Give me the police! Sid : Aw, it's Arnold and his grandpa. Harold : HE must have ratted us out! I knew we couldn't trust him! Guy : Boys... I think you'd better come with me. Harold : Aah! Run...! Arnold : There they are! Sid : It's over, Harold. Harold : No, no, I'm not going down! Officer : Boys, this is the police! Come out of the boxcar. Sid :I can't take the pressure! I'm givin' up! Stinky :Me, too. Maybe they'll give us a lighter sentence. Harold :Wait, we can't quit! Remember our pact? All for one and one for all! No retreat, no surrender! Stinky :When in doubt, chicken out. Sid :The point is, we give up. Stinky :On account of we're yella. Harold : Aw... I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP! I never meant to hurt anyone, ok?! Stinky : He's right! We were just tryin' to have a little fun! Sid :(sobbing) It was an innocent childish prank gone awry! Harold :We never meant to blow up the police station! Stinky :But we did! Sid :WE BLEW UP THE POLICE STATION!!!!! Waaaaaah!!!!! Arnold :You didn't blow up the police station! Harold :Huh? Ernie :I did, you nimrods! I dynamited it with my crew! Harold :You mean you did it and we didn't? And we don't have to be an insane gang? (The police officers and news crew laugh) Mrs. Berman : (runs through the crowd and hugs Harold tightly) Oh, Harold! I was so worried, my little pudding! My poor deluded baby! Harold :Too tight! Too tight, Mom! So, does this mean we're not in trouble? (The police officers and news crew laugh even harder) Harold :Uh, Arnold, thanks for saving us. I'm sorry we tied you up and put that old dirty sock in your mouth. Arnold: :It's okay, Harold. And I'm sorry for turning you in to Mr. Simmons, too. Harold :WHAT?! You rat! You turned us in for breaking into the science closet and stealing all the rockets and-- Arnold: :Just kidding, Harold. Mr. Simmons: :Uh, actually, Harold, I saw the whole thing on television. And frankly, I can't believe that you violated the sanctity of our science closet. We'll talk about an appropriate but reasonable punishment in the morning. Harold, Stinky and Sid: :Aww! Harold: :I'm tired and hungry and I just wanna eat! Category:Episode transcripts Category:On the Lam